Why is it so easy to slip into the victim role when you’re tired?



Tired can mean many things for each of us and when I hit tired I also hit the shadow aspect of victim at astounding speed. Little things begin to bug me, I end up crying on the edge of my bed because I don’t know what to wear and my partner gets the cold shoulder because we didn’t sit down together to share our morning chai. There’s a part of me that believes I’m doing it harder than everyone else and I’m devastated when others don’t try to support me. I wonder how much of that is a representation of my ability to receive? (There’s a post for another day.) These are just a few of the ways that the victim shows up for me in this state.


What does tired mean for you?


Awareness is such a powerful tool in shifting our circumstances. What I know is that understanding my ‘victim triggers’ provides me with an opportunity to put in place strategies to extend the time between tired and victim.


I want to preface this by acknowledging that according to Caroline Myss’ work on the archetypes we all hold the victim within our psyche. It’s important to recognise that this is a natural part of us, but we get to choose when and how it plays out.



What I recognise is that when I’m tired, it’s here that my good behaviours slip. I forget to feel grateful (which is the best way to counteract victimhood). I feel as though I don’t have time to meditate (or sleep is more important) and my mind doesn’t get the break it needs. Instead I’m sluggishly thinking through my day and it casts a grey cloud over my thoughts and actions. There’s a part of me that is still judgemental of not being able to perform at superhuman pace instead of just loving myself exactly where I am. And most importantly, if I’m trying to give from a place of depletion no one wins. I’m pouring from an empty cup and things get harder.


Does any of this sound familiar to you?



So how can I counteract all of this?


First and foremost, it’s scheduling my life as much as possible to ensure I don’t hit this state so quickly or frequently. Sleep is important to me, so I am dedicated to going to bed at my "nana" bedtime and laying in bed for a little longer in the mornings. If I have a busy day, I will try to organise my meals beforehand so that I don't hit meltdown if I haven't eaten properly. (I'm forever grateful for my partner for helping me out with this when I'm already in overwhelm). It’s also ensuring that I’m listening to my body and giving myself break time in between appointments; if I'm busy, I try to schedule in unstructured downtime to recharge. And most importantly, as an introverted Projector (Human Design) I try to ensure I have enough alone time to be able to give my full energy when I'm with others.


Your level of work vs rest will be different to others- so listen in to what you need. I have found that both my work with Ph360 health coaching and my interest in Human Design have helped me to better understand myself in these ways. (Here's a link to a free ph360 Health type test and more info on your unique Human Design.)




Secondly it’s ensuring that my self care practices come first no matter what. I can often find excuses for why "I can't" when I'm tired, so I counteract this by setting alerts in my phone. This means I don't have to think- I just DO.


I asked my Wolf Pack recently “What are 6 things that bring you the most peace, joy, enthusiasm, sense of self?” I asked them to write a list and this was their daily self care practices. To be done daily. (These can change month to month, or whenever you feel you need to switch something up). Some examples that came through were:

- dance break

- meditation

- oracle cards

- gym

- yoga

- prayer

- nature time

- journaling

- researching something non-work related


What is your daily self care routine?



Next, it's time to incorporate my favourite tool- gratitude!

When I’m super tired I try to find things to be grateful for. Every time I catch myself saying or thinking something from the shadow victim part of me, I counteract it with some gratitude and I find ways to bring lightness to my world. This can be as simple as watching a funny YouTube clip to lift my mood, or spending time with one of my besties who will hold me in my victim and lovingly coax me out of that space. This is where the gratitude exists. And the “I f*ig love” game is always a winner in my friendship circle.


And lastly I want to talk about acceptance. I get to accept myself exactly as I am. Even in the moments when I know I can do better, I can choose to acknowledge how I am feeling- to accept that this feels true for me in this moment. I can accept myself with love whilst still questioning whether this serves me. With acceptance also comes self love. And for me to love myself properly, sometimes I have to question whether my behaviours are supporting me. It’s a fun little see-saw to find a way to question with only love, not judgement. When I fill my heart with as much love for myself as I can muster, often everything else will fall into place and my heart will find the answer to how I can support myself next.


Try filling your heart with love and asking yourself-

“what do I need in this moment?”



This morning I was tired and I was wallowing in my victim but, as I write this, I recognise that those feelings are no longer my truth. With all of these reminders, I find myself stepping out of the victim role and moving into the victor... it's funny that this is exactly who I came to be; VICTORia. Thank you for helping me shift my awareness and remember my truth. I hope that reading this post has done the same for you also.


May we be victorious together in all that we do. And remember- we have a choice in every moment of what thoughts will slip into our awareness.


With love and deep gratitude,




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In every moment we have a choice to align with our truth and the parts of us that are ready to crack open and experience MORE. More truth, more love, more alignment. How committed are you to your own heart expansion? Are you willing to move through the depths to get there?
Of course you are dear heart! and I'm here to support you.
 
Love Victoria Fenton
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