Birthdays. They have always been an emotional time for me. A see saw of trying not to give the day special meaning and yet feeling let down by the expectations I have created for the day.
I wonder if you sometimes feel the same?
I notice that many women seem to carry their own version or story of this. Is it the feminine capacity to love so deeply and quite often over give, yet the ability to receive can often be limited? Or perhaps it’s unvoiced desires or needs? Or feeling unmet by those around us?
I’ve been wondering this year, in the lead up to my 33rd birthday, what is true for me...
I’ve realised that it’s not so much about limiting my expectations for being celebrated- I deserve to be loved and acknowledged for all that I am!! (I can hear my angels singing hallelujah at that statement!) But it’s more about how I share my truth so that there’s less room for misunderstanding and disappointment.
I’ve been playing with my attachment style in relationships (ambivalent/anxious attachment right here 🙋🏼♀️) in order to gain more clarity on how I interact with others and what patterns & beliefs underpin my actions. With this attachment style, I have a real fear of others not loving me. This again plays into the dynamics of giving vs receiving, but also in the ways that I try to “control” my birthday so as not to feel disappointed when the day comes. This attachment style, when running wild, also contributes to how I feel soo caught up in the idea that I’ll experience disappointment that I’m almost frozen in my decision making process. (“What if no one is available, or wants to come?”) I don’t know what I want or need to feel loved and celebrated, only that I desire others to show me this.
It’s a real mind fuck isn’t it?!
So, what needs to be acknowledged before I get to the stage of feeling totally overwhelmed in the lead up to my birthday?
Well for me, I’m working on a clearer understanding of who I am, what I desire and how to voice these proactively. (Whilst also doing the inner work to help my anxious attachment style feel more safe and secure).
Which leads me to these KEY Questions ...
(which really can be used for any situation!)
- How do I desire to be celebrated?
- Do I have any unvoiced expectations of others in relation to this event?
- Is it possible to voice these expectations/ desires in a loving way?
- Is my attachment style affecting how I am emotionally responding to this event?
And then it’s time for action.
I trust that I have a great network of loving souls around me who would be open to these conversations. All I have to do is courageously speak life into my thoughts.
Side note: If you don’t currently have a receptive network, perhaps the first step is to gain some clarity about who it is you desire to call into your life. Breathe life into the possibility of these connections. You are so fucking worthy of being celebrated and having your needs met!
Ultimately, I know that I’m adored by those around me and it’s up to me to allow that adoration in. Every single day. And, especially on my birthday! (The day I said YES to this incarnation and unique version of me!) And so it’s up to me to do the inner work to allow this to happen.
With my birthday tomorrow- how am I choosing to celebrate?
With a whole lot of truth telling, vulnerability and receiving the epic love that is coming my way!!
Happy fucking birthday to me!!!
And Happy Fucking Birthday to you too, when your time comes!!
May you know your innate worthiness and ability to consciously create the life that you desire.
I love you